Dejection and rejection part III: The Return

It’s been a funny old month in Trying-to-be-a-writer land, and things aren’t going quite as planned. It’s not the knock-backs that are the hardest part; it’s the lack of feedback. Am I wasting my time? Should I re-think this whole TV drama plan? Frustrating in the extreme. Didn’t even get an interview for the Eastenders Script Co-ordinator position which I was pretty disappointed about at the time, as can be seen in this in an email to a friend:

Life is hard. Life is reeeal hard. Just got turned down (not even an INTERVIEW) for Eastenders (script co-ordinator aka secretary) role. WTF. Seriously, what's wrong with us?! I am brimming with qualifications. I have As and A*s coming out of my ass. I have enthusiasm and freebie work experience. And, more importantly, I'll blow ANYONE.

I am, of course, joking about the last part, however desperation is beginning to set in. Feedback would be invaluable at this stage; am I under-qualified? Over-qualified? Inexperienced? Did they already have an internal applicant lined up? Am I just cr*p? These are the questions, my friends. Fortunately there’s good news as well, in form of a new job on the BBC website for a Holby City researcher. Thankfully this time there isn’t the specific requirement of 1 year experience as a story researcher (see my disappointment here) and instead it’s worded as ‘significant experience’ to which I firmly ticked YES. Significant is a very subjective word, don’t you think…?

There’s also a very exciting job advertised on the ITV jobs page this week, for a group of ITV Studios Story Associates. God knows what one of those is, but I get the feeling they’d like to invite young, relatively inexperienced storyliners to workshop ideas for the show. It sounds right up my street, and with questions like ‘What makes a good story?’ and ‘Who’s your favourite ever fictional character?’ I can really let loose on the application form. Fingers crossed for that, and I also need to apply for an ITV placement today too.

Sadly the Eastenders job is not my only disappointment of the fortnight. I also received script rejections from the BBC Writersroom and the Red Planet film prize. Again, both without feedback. It hurts a lot more having writing rejected, rather than a regular job application, because it’s so much more personal. You put a lot into it, and really believe in the characters and their reactions to events. Reading back over my script I know the mistakes I made, and can see how to improve on my next one. However maybe I’m getting a little tied up with the writing – that was never meant to be the plan. I wanted to get a job in script editing and learn my trade that way. I’m starting to see writing as more than a hobby, which it was never supposed to be. I’m getting bogged down in the details and the rejection, when this extra day to freelance was supposed to be about getting out to meet people, to do work placements. I’ve gotten myself now into the mindset that even when I go back to working five days a week instead of four I’ll still force myself to write in my spare time. So this last six months of working four days a week hasn’t been wasted, as I’ve really readjusted my attitude to what I want to do. Bring it on!!